What up all? So, since there really isn't anyone who reads this, I am just doing this for journal purposes. I am so grateful for hard trials in my life. I cannot tell you how much I have really learned and kept dear to my heart. My whole life I have thought that I am not even worth looking at...that I am this hideous person that no guy will pay any attention to. I just am so hard on myself that I sometimes don't know if there is any positive outcome out there for me to find. Have you ever taken a picture and you realize that it is the most hideous thing out there? And all you want to do is delete it? 

Well, I have had that problem everyday, and sometimes it sucks. But there comes a point in one's life where negative vibes just get so crazy and lame and all you want to do is just listen to them cause it's hard not to...but you can't do that, and I couldn't anymore. EVERYONE has their own unique beauty, and we are all children of God, no matter where we are, what religion we belong to. We are all children  of Him. 

 My brother and two sisters

Sister and her first born

Once I really figured that out I was able to see the beauty in all the world, people, creatures, and especially myself. I started to be less negative about myself and started to see what my qualities actually are. And I have to tell you that I have some quirky qualities, but I wouldn't trade them for anything in this world. That is what makes me so different from the world. My personality truly is my beauty. I may not be the best looking woman in the world. And I am not....NOT AT ALL....but I have to tell you that my personality is one of the best out there and that is what makes me beautiful. I know that I am someone who can make people laugh, feel awkward, feel good about themselves, and love them. I know that the Lord gave me these qualities to lift others up. I know that through Him I can see that I am beautiful in my own way. And though men may over look me, it's okay. It's not that I am a hideous dog, it is because they are not attracted to me. And I am waiting for Mr. Right that loves me for me and recognizes my beauty....but mostly on the inside. 

 Me holding the great arch in Saint Louis

I know that I am a beautiful daughter of God. We are all His children and we are all beautiful and handsome in our own unique ways. I know that He loves us and we all have the opportunity to pray to Him and ask Him to help us with our sadness. What a great way of communication, totally better than any type of smart phone or electronics. 

Nothing better than Family!

    Warning....Horrible English...พูดภาษาไทย Just consider the source and try to read through the horrible english.   

     I just have to say that I love my family! I am so happy that I have been given an opportunity to know that without my family, I literally would be nothing. I have been thinking a ton about being single, and kind of asking God why I am still single and not having any prospects...and you know what? I think it is okay because there is no reason for me to ask God and get frustrated just because I am single.
       It has taken me a really long time for me to realize that there is more to life and that I can do so much more than just mope around. Don't get me wrong, I haven't just sat and moped and wished that I am married. I am a very happy person and I really love life. Sometimes there is just this "thing"that you think will make you happy. But in all reality, the thing that gives me hope and true happiness is God and His Son Jesus Christ. I am grateful to know that they love me no matter what I do.
There is a talk from President Uchtdorf


http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/general-relief-society-meeting/2011/09/forget-me-not?lang=eng

that helped me realize how much I truly have.... Here is a little piece of what was said:

"In the beloved children’s story Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the mysterious candy maker Willy Wonka hides a golden ticket in five of his candy bars and announces that whoever finds one of the tickets wins a tour of his factory and a lifetime supply of chocolate.

Written on each golden ticket is this message: “Greetings to you, the lucky finder of this Golden Ticket … ! Tremendous things are in store for you! Many wonderful surprises await you! … Mystic and marvelous surprises … will … delight, … astonish, and perplex you.”³

In this classic children’s story, people all over the world desperately yearn to find a golden ticket. Some feel that their entire future happiness depends on whether or not a golden ticket falls into their hands. In their anxiousness, people begin to forget the simple joy they used to find in a candy bar. The candy bar itself becomes an utter disappointment if it does not contain a golden ticket.

       So many people today are waiting for their own golden ticket—the ticket that they believe holds the key to the happiness they have always dreamed about. For some, the golden ticket may be a perfect marriage; for others, a magazine-cover home or perhaps freedom from stress or worry.

There is nothing wrong with righteous yearnings—we hope and seek after things that are “virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy.”⁴ The problem comes when we put our happiness on hold as we wait for some future event—our golden ticket—to appear.

        One woman wanted more than anything else to marry a righteous priesthood holder in the temple and be a mother and a wife. She had dreamed about this all her life, and oh, what a wonderful mother and loving wife she would be. Her home would be filled with loving-kindness. Never a bitter word would be spoken. The food would never burn. And her children, instead of hanging out with their friends, would prefer to spend their evenings and weekends with Mom and Dad.

        This was her golden ticket. It was the one thing upon which she felt her whole existence depended. It was the one thing in all the world for which she most desperately yearned.

But it never happened. And, as the years went on, she became more and more withdrawn, bitter, and even angry. She could not understand why God would not grant her this righteous desire.

       She worked as an elementary school teacher, and being around children all day long simply reminded her that her golden ticket had never appeared. As the years passed she became more disappointed and withdrawn. People didn’t like being around her and avoided her whenever they could. She even took her frustration out on the children at school. She found herself losing her temper, and she swung between fits of anger and desperate loneliness.

      The tragedy of this story is that this dear woman, in all her disappointment about her golden ticket, failed to notice the blessings shedid have. She did not have children in her home, but she was surrounded by them in her classroom. She was not blessed with a family, but the Lord had given her an opportunity few people have—the chance to influence for good the lives of hundreds of children and families as a teacher.

      The lesson here is that if we spend our days waiting for fabulous roses, we could miss the beauty and wonder of the tiny forget-me-nots that are all around us.

This is not to say that we should abandon hope or temper our goals. Never stop striving for the best that is within you. Never stop hoping for all of the righteous desires of your heart. But don’t close your eyes and hearts to the simple and elegant beauties of each day’s ordinary moments that make up a rich, well-lived life.

       The happiest people I know are not those who find their golden ticket; they are those who, while in pursuit of worthy goals, discover and treasure the beauty and sweetness of the everyday moments. They are the ones who, thread by daily thread, weave a tapestry of gratitude and wonder throughout their lives. These are they who are truly happy."

 My Niece Lili

 My Niece Bella

I love this talk because I love to apply it in my life. I have the opportunity to not be alone. I have my family and my friends. But what I love the most are my nieces and nephews. I have 29 and I love them so much...they really are my true treasures and joys, I can only imagine how their parents feel.

After putting two and two together I was able to figure out that the only things that make me happy are: 

1. God

2. My Savior

3. Family

4. Nieces and Nephews

The other things that are temporal are great, but the things that are Spiritual will last forever and ever.

 My Nephew Zach

We are all able to feel His love and know He is there for us. I am grateful to know that I will always be happy and know that when I have my family around there is nothing that will stop me from being happy. 

Have you ever had that urge to do something rash? Something that you would never do? Well, I never have that feeling. In fact, I screw up all the time, and then realise it about a couple hours later, or days for that matter. But, life goes on and I am still grinning away. I love life and I am happy that I am alive. I am grateful that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and a Savior who sacrificed His life for my sins. I hope one day I may be able to meet them with love and open arms.
I am happy that I have a job, friends, church, and a wonderful family, especially my nieces and nephews! I am in my upper 20's, I don't date, and I am not ashamed! One day I will find my prince charming and I know that this is all for my learning experiences. My goal is to write more and more and to record what I do so that I will never forget.  Especially writing about the journeys of dating and getting to get on my feet after 6 years of college and living in Thailand for years...I can do it and I am sure it will be so comical to myself, as my whole life is...LIFE IS GOOD